From the beginning I was bleeding a bit, but each time after my doctor's examination, the baby was safe in his little "bubble." I got terrible back pain in the 13th week. Again, the doctor told me it was normal. I informed him that I felt that the baby was low. The doctor also noticed that the placenta was a bit low, but he assured me that all was going to be OK. Two days before my amniocentesis, I felt my baby move. I may have lost some water a week before, but I was not sure, and did nothing about it.

The day of the planned amniocentesis, before proceeding, at the scan they could not find its heartbeat. All came to an end at 16 and a half weeks. After 4 hours, I delivered a little boy. He was prefect. I got to hold this fragile little body for almost 3 hours before the curettage. I was holding him thinking how beautiful he was, as if he was alive. This happened on 07.11.02. I am not sure it was a good idea to see him. I missed this little stranger I never got the chance to know. I never got the chance to hear him cry. It was a gift, a sixteen week gift.

He has awakened this strong desire to be a mother, which I did not know I had. Now my only hope is to get pregnant again. But still, no one will ever replace him. He will forever be my little angel. The autopsy results could not find anything wrong; now all I think is - it was my fault. I listened to the doctor that all was OK and carried on my very busy schedule, but my instincts knew it was wrong. I am sorry my angel, I love you.

--anonymous