My name is Diane Kloepfel and I am 26 yrs old. I have been a member for just over 4 yrs., and each of my miscarriages occured after joining. I personally feel that if it wasn't for my own deep feeling of faith in knowing the truth I wouldn't have stayed a member. My husband and I got together when I was 18, he was seperated from his wife at the time and in the process of going through a divorce. He was a born-in member and was inactive at the time. About nine months after we got together we found out that I was pregnant, that Dec. I gave birth by c-section to a healthy 8lb. 8oz. baby boy. (just so you all know we got married in Oct. before he was born.) We had discussed that we wanted a total of 4 kids, which included his daughter from his previous marriage. It took 2 yrs. for me to find the truth about the church and in no uncertain terms was I going to only go half way with it, it was all or nothing and that is what I told my husband. He happened to be the one to baptize me. In June of '03, because we had been tracking my periods so intently, we found out that I was pregnant.

Two weeks after hearing the news we had been hoping for for 3 yrs. I started spotting red blood. I was devastated. My doctor at the time told me to have another period and try again. I was lost, the scriptures said nothing, but my heart had to know. I turned to my bishop and asked for a blessing, and this is what he told me, "Diane, there is no doctrine for what you have gone through but it is my personal belief that sometimes all children need is a body because they are too special to come to earth and you have given that child a body." I felt the spirit tell me that was true, but ya know sometimes that isn't enough for our hearts. Now looking back I feel that it was true for my second miscarriage, but this first one not so much. I feel that it was the wrong body for the first one and that through the second one the right body was given.

So about 6 wks after having a miscarriage I find out that I am pregnant again, this time my doctor is taking blood twice a week to test hormone lvls. at 7 wks the hCg lvl flat lines, the doctor sends me to get an ultrasound, I see and hear a heart beat, I take a picture home, and the doctors put my on progesterone in hopes to boost the lvls. 8 wks comes around and I'm feeling cramping and see a pink spot after going to the bathroom. I call the doctor, and my husband stays home from work, the doctor says, "come in ASAP I want to check you". I go see the doctor and everything is fine, I go home and go about my day trying to not think about what could be happening telling myself that the doctors know what they are doing. We go to the store, see a friend from Church say hi mention that I am not feeling well and go home. I get home, I go to the bathroom, there on my TP is a round sack and blood, I scream, my husband comes to see what is wrong and we cry and say a little prayer in our hearts as we flush our baby down the toilet not knowing that when he takes me to the hospital that they refuse to say that I had a miscarriage because they haven't seen what was on my TP, or do a vaginal exam to make sure everything is alright. Instead they send me home with the words, "everything is fine and you are still pregnant". That was a Friday, Mon. comes and I call my doctor to make a follow up apt. from the hospital, I get in that same day, and the vaginal exam shows that there is no baby growing. In fact she tells me that what I flushed probably was my baby. How awful is that? I flushed my baby down the toilet!!!! Again, I turn to my bishop, he tells me that my husband can also give me blessings. I tell him that I know, but that I don't want to ask for a blessing from him when he needs one just as much.

2 yrs go by and only three months out of those 2 yrs was there any protection, we say "if Lord wants it to happen then it will happen". I find out that I am pregnant and at this point have a new doctor, he says to me that there is no reason for the miscarriages because I have a healthy son and that we'll take it just one day at a time. He felt that there was no need to monitor hormone lvls and we'll just see how things go. I made it to 12wks. Then the cramping hit me and then the blood the next day i get an ultrasound and the baby only measures 8 wks. My doctor tells me that there isn't anything that we can do because there ws no heartbeat. I looked at him and told him what had happened with the previous miscarriage and the sack, and begged him to do a D&C, he agrees for my own piece of mind. The next day the cramping goes from bad to 'I WANT TO DIE'. My husband and mother-in-law take me to the hospital where during the check in they decide to take me right back to a room so they can drug the pain with morphine. I stand up and start to gush blood. The on call doctor at the hospital says that he would like to call an OB/GYN for a D&C. I agree, he calls, and the OB/GYN says "No. She is still in the first trimester and the body needs no help in removing the fetus." Because I had already set up a D&C with my regular doctor for the next day the sent me home with a strong perscription. I went to the apt the next morning and when I met with my doctor afterwards he told me that it was a good thing that it was already scheduled for that day because I needed it. This time I knew that this baby only need a body, that was what I was reassured with by the Spirit.

All three times were painful and difficult, each time a sister-in-law was pregnant and due really close to me, and they have there babies to show for it. Would I change it? No way! I appreciate my son and the truth of the Gospel in my life to know that I have 2 babies waiting for me, preparing the way. Currently I had blood work done for the first time when I was not pregnant and found out that I do not produce enough progesterone to cause or support a pregnancy. 2 wks after finding this out I found out that I am pregnant. I am back to the doctor that delivered my son, since I will have to hav another c-section and I take an oral progesterone. The last set of blood work showed that with the medcine I am on my hormone lvls are were they should be to be considered a viable pregnancy. On Dec 26th the ultrasound showed a heartbeat and a (one) baby measuring 1.29cm with a gestation of 7wks4days. Baby is due in Aug. What a wonderful Happy New Years present, not only do I know why, but I have a new baby on the way.

I am constantly thanking my Father in Heaven (everytime I feel like puking, which is all day after 10 am) for everything that I have.

And that is my story.

Diane Kloepfel
d_kloepfel (at) hotmail.com
Orting, WA
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