Two weeks prior to my baby's death, I was in the temple. I had been so sick, that I had missed going to the temple for a couple of months. So this was the first time I was in the temple with my new child. I looked at my proxy card and the day and month of their birth was the same as my due date. I was overcome with emotion. Then, over and over, I heard "Marjorie." My paternal grandmother, Marjorie, had died when my father was 14, and I never knew her. I thought, "Am I supposed to name this child Marjorie?" But that wasn't right. Again, over and over I heard "Marjorie." I pondered it again, and thought "I'm sure this is a son, I can't name him Marjorie..." and then it hit me - my grandmother was there. The emotion and peace that I felt is indescribable. She was there with me, and my child. The remainder of the session was indescribable. The veil was so incredibly emotional, the intense joy I felt. And then, when I entered the Celestial Room, I was overcome again, this time even stronger. Again, I heard "Marjorie," and this time I was so overcome with joy of my child and my grandmother I had to just sit and try to compose myself. It wasn't until 2 weeks later that I understood the significance of it.

I had a small problem on a Friday, and I called my doctor. He said that it was normal, but I could come in and check the baby if I wanted to feel better. I knew I was fine, but something kept urging me to go. So I did. I went in, and they did an ultrasound. My baby was doing great. He was moving all over the place, his measurements were right on, and the placenta was just fine. I left feeling kind of stupid for going in, but grateful I did. 5 days later was my regular checkup. My doctor put in our video tape, hit record, and began scanning my baby. He kept looking, and looking, and saying "I can't seem to find the heart..." I looked and noticed he was face down in a clump, not moving. I just stared at the ceiling, not believing what was happening. Then I heard the inevitable news, my baby had died. His growth was right on though, so he had to have passed just within hours. I was devastated. I came home and threw myself on the bed and sobbed. I did that for hours. I looked for my video tape of my child, the last - and only - proof that he even existed, and couldn't find it. I screamed at my family to find it, acting like an idiot. I was lost.

That night, I got on the internet and found several references on the church website regarding stillbirth and miscarriage. I found several church authorities, including President Young and Elder McConkie, that stated that the spirit entered the fetus when it began to move. I realized then that my dear Heavenly Father had given me two separate gifts to help me through this horrible event in my life. First, if I had never gone to the doctor that Friday previous to my regular visit, I would have never have seen him move. There was my visual proof. He was alive, and he was a living soul complete with spirit. I sobbed at the realization of this gift, this comfort that I still had my son, who was conceived under the covenant. As I sat there saying silent prayers of gratitude, it hit me. My visit to the temple 2 weeks ago. It was all so clear now. My grandmother Marjorie WAS there, but not to give me her name or experience the temple... she was there for support and comfort. She was there in the telestial room with me, letting me know that my child was with her. And then again she was there in the Celestial room, this time to be there for the return of my child. From that moment on, I have not felt the devastation, only peace. I am still so very sad, but at peace. How very greatful I am for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me, and loves me enough to be there for me at my most desparate time.

Now again, 7 months later, I have found out that my new pregnancy has died. So here I am again; scared, and sad, and sobbing, and so very disappointed... but I know that all will be well. We are doing tests to check my immune system, and if it is in the Lord's plan then I will have another child. If not, then "thy will be done." I have been so immensely blessed, and I know I will have children in the next life.

Vicki
Hooper, Utah