Dear Mr. Underwear Man,
      I was recently sexually harassed by a woman at work. What should I do?
                                                      Signed - Tom in Topeka

Dear Tom,
      Congratulations! You are among the luckiest of men - you have been sexually harassed by a lady. I should be so lucky. The most attention I get from women is an occasional "Excuse me" as they brush me aside. So to actually have gotten to interact with the ladies to the point that they are harassing you - and not only that - but harassing you in a sexual way must be very gratifying. Here are some suggestions to help ensure that you - or any other man for that matter - gets all the sexual harassment he could ever want from a woman.

Try wearing tight clothing - The ladies are partial to the buttocks so try casually wearing biker pants to work. Your female co-workers won’t be able to resist a leer and might not even be able to prevent themselves from giving you a pinch on the ass. BONUS: Many biker pants are padded for comfort. This will help supplement what you may or may not have in your back package.

Since money is a natural aphrodisiac, try walking around with a wad of twenties hanging out of you pocket. You might also talk non-stop about your weekend in the Hamptons and your yacht "Clifford".

Enhance your natural bulges. A critically placed sock or two can be all the difference between a snub and a ‘come hither’ look. Hint: Laundered socks are a definite plus.

Well I hope these ideas help you get all the sexual harassment you have ever dreamed of. Good luck.